A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
