my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
