i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
