she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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