I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
