fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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