thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
