Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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