But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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