I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
