Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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