He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize