omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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