So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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