The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
