I have demons in me.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
