Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
