Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
