Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize