My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
