what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
