i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
