Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize