I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
