please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
