he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
