we're blogging at a bar
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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