so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
