Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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