If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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