there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
