we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
