Old men and throwing up are my life now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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