so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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