I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
