if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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