I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
