so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
