hotel room ftw
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
