What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
