Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
