I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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