Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
