ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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