Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
