Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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