you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
