i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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