Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
