I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She even gives head with a lisp.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
