i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
