Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
