If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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