he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
