Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
