yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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