remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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