So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
