I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think my vagina is haunted
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
