Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
