First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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