I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
