For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
