Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
then he tried to convert me to islam
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
