I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I love black thongs
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm getting married
To pizza
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
