You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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