brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize