is your mom at the bar?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
