just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
