you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
