yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
