I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
