At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
