To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
