just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
