after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
