she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
