wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
