i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
