i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize