There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
