I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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