The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
