I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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